Where Have You Gone Joe?

Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? While that's a lyric from Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel from the late 60's, that line couldn't be more fitting for this post.

This is a shout out to yesterday's heroes and a call out for a few possibly overrated players of today. From The Mamba to the Chef, this should be interesting.

The Mamba 

HIS PERSPECTIVE: I'm sick and tired of mofos talking about the Black Mamba and how far his game has slipped from when he was at his peak. What the fuck did you expect? 20 years of ball at the highest possible level, 5 championships, countless all-star appearances and so many more accomplishments. Not to mention 3 years of injuries that have brought him to this point. I swear to GOD if I hear one more person talmbout' "I can't stand to see him go out like this," I am going to fucking scream. If you were there basking in the sun with him when he dropped 81 pts against the Raptors (and Jalen Rose), then your ass should be adult enough to be there for him now that he can't hit the side of a barn. That's my man, no matter what he does. Kobe Bryant is and always will be a bad, bad man. Did Kobe drop 31 on the Wizards a few weeks back? Let's see how this thing plays out.

 HER PERSPECTIVE: Yikes, angry much?

Tiger 

HIS PERSPECTIVE: Tiger is my Cablinasian brother, You've got to have mad respect for a dude that makes up a term in homage to his entire heritage. This guy brought a popularity to golf that had never been seen before and likely never to be seen again. Way too many accolades to list so I won't bother with that. Now for the elephant in the room, what in the hell happened to my man? After the situation, he's just not the same. Word on the curb is he got his fronts knocked out with a golf club by his then wife and was found snoring in the neighbors lawn. Can you blame him for where he is now? Irony is being knocked the fuck out with the same tool that brought you all of your spoils. That's gotta effect your long ball. IJS.

HER PERSPECTIVE: Golf makes me sleepy. And we reap what we sow. 

The Chef- James Harden

HIS PERSPECTIVE: James oh James, what in the hell happened to you? Actually, I have always thought of this dude as overrated. He was cool as a third man in OKC, that is until he got thunder-punched by Meta World Peace. I get that you can't really do shit about taking a bow to the neck and back unless you know it's coming, but ain't no way that I'm not exacting an exaggerated  measure of revenge as soon as I get back on my feet, each and urrry-time I see that ass from that point on. Church, the court, the grocery store or a baby shower, we beefing ev-very-time I see you. Last year The Chef was upset with the fact that he lost out on the MVP trophy to Steph Curry, even though they played each other head to head in the playoffs and he got beat by the dude that eventually won the championship. What the fuck is up with that, Chef? Add to it the fact that his girlfriend had to run back to the side of her ailing husband and there's no wonder that his heart is gone.

HER PERSPECTIVE: Harden's beard makes me shiver. Wait, his girlfriend had to run back to her ailing husband? Now I'm interested. I swear, sports should be it's own soap opera tv show.

Romo 

HIS PERSPECTIVE: Tony Romo is the most interesting man in football to me. Never has a QB that has done so much, accomplished so little. Look up the all-time leading passer in Cowboy history and you would think Aikman, Staubach maybe even Morton or Dandy Don Meredith. You'd be dead wrong, that distinction belongs to tenth year signal caller Toni Romo. The next thing you'd want to do is check out their playoff records as compared to Romo, 2-4 in ten seasons. That's a grand total of two wins, damn Romo. To be fair to Tony, Dallas is a circus. Jerry Jones is more about the big show and the dollars that the show will generate than he is about providing a championship caliber team. The fact that he continues to rush Romo back after all of his serious injuries in order to save the day only adds Cowboy fans frustrations. Plain and simple, Romo needs to sit out a year, allow his body to heal and make a comeback a year later. If he doesn't he's got a year left before he goes down as the QB with the most unfulfilled potential in the history of Cowboy nation, and that would be a shame.

HER PERSPECTIVE: Romo likes dating blondes. Maybe if he switched it up he may have better luck. IJS

Peyton Manning 

HIS PERSPECTIVE: Peyton has been a thinking machine since he started at Indy in 98, in a lot of ways he's changed the position of QB. With his check down calls of OMAHA, OMAHA at the line, can any defense really say that he's not the ultimate chess match each and every time they face him? I think not. Lately however, father time has caught up to Manning in the worst way. Since arriving in Denver, Peyton has done well early and sputtered to an early and disappointing end each season. This season after going 5-20 for 35 yards and 4 interceptions in a game, he was benched and is now strolling down the sidelines in mom jeans. My how far the mighty have fallen. Peyton, it's been a stellar career, but the time has come for you to move on. Just like I have done with Kobe, I'll rock with you until you call it a wrap, but the time is now. Thank you for all of the memories.

HER PERSPECTIVE: "First and ten, do it again! First and ten, do it again! I'm channeling my high school cheerleading days. That's the only perspective I have. Laughing Out Loud @ mom jeans, tho.

Rousey vs Holm 

HIS PERSPECTIVE: Don't get it twisted, Rhonda is my girl, I just think that when you talk the type of shit that she talks after each win and before each bout, you have to come out and say something when you get the shit kicked out of you. I get it, losing is humbling but you owe it to your fans and opponents to be graceful I mean at least present in defeat. I won't go into her impressive record, you should know it because she made sure that you would. I just hope that at some point she comes out of hiding and gives Holm's her props, then proceeds to fight somebody, anybody other than Holm's. She don't want them types of problems again.  

HER PERSPECTIVE: Rhonda got knocked the fuuuuck out! It's about damn time somebody aired her arrogant ass out. The boy is right....she's as quiet as a hoe in church...just praying for her shit to not be brought up. But we all know what it is, boo boo. We all know.  

HIS PERSPECTIVE: Don't make Rhonda come after that azz, perhaps a disclaimer will do the trick @ the girl  

HER PERSPECTIVE: Bite me! @ the boy